you got handled
It baffles me sometimes when people do not realize they’re being “handled”.
It’s hard to give a generalized answer or definition to this, but I mean when everyone around a person is clearly tired of their shit, tired of fighting, tired of discussing the same things over and over again or just doesn’t have the energy right now to engage, so they’re all nodding along, just listening, trying to find some good in it and then move on because they realize there’s no stopping it.
Like when one person is always going off about political conspiracies and believing the most stupid shit - at some point you have learned that if you push back, they push back harder, if you try to show them facts, they’ll say it’s propaganda, and if you come with good arguments they can’t refute, they shut down and it might get ugly. So what people will do next is to shut up, listen, let the conspiracy theorist vent, smile, praise them for something (“I’m glad you’re looking into this!” or some vague shit, or “I love your passion!”) and then steer the topic somewhere else or let the conversation fizzle out (gotta go!).
And it’s always so painful to witness the other side boasting about this interaction, like “Wow everyone was so nice and listened!” followed up with things that make it obvious they think they convinced everyone and sounded plausible and interesting. Like no, you didn’t, they just know better than to dive in and argue with you by now. Not getting pushback doesn’t mean people agree with you or that what you said was great.
And you don’t have to be this extreme; you can just have annoying political opinions, annoying other/personal opinions, dumping other shit on people they’re not equipped to handle right now and you’re getting this treatment. My coworker is a very difficult person that easily blows up, and in her presence, we do the same thing. She is being handled - things are strategically discussed without her, things are presented strategically to her, and when she shows her anger we let her vent, validate a crumb of it so she feels heard and because we want it to stop, and then we’re good.
It’s crazy to me that people don’t see this. I can tell when a person is telling from an experience where they were handled without knowing, hell, I think I’ve been the one being handled in the past. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, but either you’re acting out or you’re not on your turf, not your crowd. There are monologues I can hold in front of friends they’d love and engage with enthusiastically that my coworkers would handle me over, and that’s normal.
But I especially mean all this about politics. It’s so awkward to read about someone who thinks that interaction went well because the other person just let them babble. You were handled! You’re coming in to people just trying to do their job or live their life and activated their customer service mode, even in private. You’re like that old man that comes in to buy something in the shop that’s nice, then will suddenly break out in a rant about migration in the middle of paying, and you’re just nodding until it’s over and he leaves with a smile, feeling great that he was able to let all of that out.
That’s you when you go out there telling everyone about what a pleasant talk you had with someone that didn’t say anything.