wedding
I’m not looking forward to the wedding. To actually being married, yes. But not the festivities, everything around it.
Admittedly, I don’t know if we would be doing this if the government didn’t lock vital rights behind it. You can swear eternal love and support to each other, set up your own contracts, develop your own wedding rituals, and the state doesn’t need to know about all of it. So it’s not like this is the only way to make a commitment to each other.
But it sure is one that has lots of boxes to tick, expectations, and “how it’s supposed to be done”. The concept stretches thin over our beings and rips and feels too small. We are polyamorous. One is trans. We are both lesbians. Marriage, even outside of the church one, is still reminiscent of its very exclusive foundation. It feels like we are one big exception. There are no rules that make sense about us. Do both wear white? Does one wear a black dress? Do both wear a dress or one a suit? It’s things heterosexual couples never even ask themselves.
In our ideal version, we sign the papers and then fuck off with friends to a restaurant and maybe play some board games later at someone’s place. But it has since ballooned a bit because the parents got something to say about how it should be done and who should be included when, and now we have planning on our hands no one asked for that just exists so people feel like we are performing “wedding” right, which is nonsensical to people like us. We will never perform wedding right. Wedding in 2025 was made for well-off heterosexual nuclear families that love to spend thousands on fancy locations and hire a wedding planner and possibly even do a destination wedding before beginning to plan a gender reveal.
One person gets us. He said he’s thankful it’s not a traditional wedding. Well I am too, but it could have been even less so if the boomers wouldn’t have insisted to insert themselves in everything. I’m okay with making a big pot of chili or ordering pizza for dinner, but that’s “not appropriate for wedding festivities” when literally no guest would mind aside from family.
I think it made me uninvested in the wedding celebration. I just want it to be over. I wanna be married and I wanna relax with my wife. I wanted to chill with her/our friends. It doesn’t help that I have no one on my side - I’m not inviting my own friends or family because I have none to invite.
If I could do it all over again we’d stand our ground more and move it to a friend’s home instead of the garden of a family member. It gives them too much leverage in the whole thing.
I don’t even have a dress yet. I feel uninspired to find one. It feels like shopping a costume for a school play you were forced to play in. I hate that it feels like there’s this pressure to make it perfect but not by our own standards but what’s generally seen as a good wedding. We don’t even agree with half of that stuff.
At least our rings are very very cute and I paid for both sets.
Update: Changed my mind on the dress and outfit. Found some cute things and now I am happy about building an outfit :)