the final drop
The part in communication where you have to somewhat factor in how someone’s day went or life is without knowing anything about them is so difficult.
It’s even more difficult when it actually lowkey blows up in your face and you can tell that something harmless you did was taken the wrong way because it was another thing on top of many, maybe even the final drop of very slight annoyances. Maybe they were yelled at and bullied previously and then anything you say sounds more critical after enduring that than it would have before.
You can internally note that it is out of proportion, unusual, maybe unwarranted, but you have to take care of it regardless and take it as if the reaction wasn’t inflated due to circumstances beyond your control or knowledge. You have to give it the same weight initially as if it was purely based on what you did.
And if you’re lucky, the person will acknowledge later on that it was a bit inflated. If you’re unlucky, that person will stick to their view without cooling off or considering how other events of their life have led them here.
On the other hand, this is something I wrote a week ago from the other side (somewhat; in that case, it was the same person multiple times, not different people until my mood hit the last one that happened to be there):
“It trips me sometimes that people can ask you very obviously annoying questions all the time and when you snap after multiple times of staying neutral or nice but showing that you don’t appreciate it and it’s starting to annoy you, you’re the ass. I know ideally we should all stay calm, collected and nice all the time even after 200 silly things directed at you, but that’s a bit difficult at times and in a way, unrealistic. At some point, I will show that this annoys me and I will say that we have talked about this before and to not bother me about that. If you don’t heed that, why is it my fault? At some point you deserve to see how I feel about that. There’s a point when you are kinda crossing a boundary and getting pushback on it isn’t mean, it’s just my right. Why do people think they can push your buttons and then act surprised when it triggers you? Especially because things like “Stop fucking bothering me” or “Leave me alone” are pretty tame things. I didn’t insult anyone, I just drew a boundary. Some people just don’t like getting rejected which is fair, but in my case, there’s literally no way to not see it coming.
Same goes for people who very obviously insist on repeatedly bothering you when it is visible and clear to them (= they know) that you are currently overwhelmed and busy. Like imagine being very focused on solving a problem, things don’t work, you have a 100 windows open and someone keeps figuratively or actually poking you in some Teams chat, voice chat, real life etc. and then wonder why you aren’t reacting like a sweet and patient person about repeated disturbance while you’re already swimming in shit. I swear, people poke the bear and then wonder why there is a bear.”
I guess I have been on both sides.