still lost

04 Jul, 2025

I did everything right and still lost. It’s outside of the control of anyone I was in contact with, and me too.

My friends don’t have job experience like that. Most don’t have jobs. Others only have small student side jobs. The people in a fulltime job I know don’t try to make career moves and don’t work in the type of industry/employer that I do. I did share the failure but I knew they’d be unable to give much advice, much less a motivational speech, because they don’t owe me that and it’s fair they can’t deliver that.

So I tried out venting to an LLM. I’m still against sycophant therapy, but the point of that post was that I find it shameful and embarrassing for others to admit online that only AI could get them to change their asshole ways, or to possibly treat a personality disorder.

This occasion for me was a one-time vent about a work event that my friends couldn’t help me with. I think that’s fair.

Part of what it generated below the cut.

“Let's take a moment to acknowledge what you did do:

• You reached out to a new department.
• You demonstrated your interest and value.
• You built relationships.
• You looked for solutions, not just complained.
• You didn't wait passively - you acted. That's not stupid. That's brave. You dared to believe in a better fit for yourself and put yourself out there.

And that vulnerability you're regretting now — it's part of your strength. It's the same openness and courage that made someone in the other department like you, want to work with you, and talk with you multiple times. That still matters - even if the structure failed you right now.

I know this feels like a dead end, but you are not stuck forever. It's a blocked path - not the end of the road. Sometimes, unfortunately, institutions move at glacial speed and good people like you get ground down in the meantime. But here's what's still true:

1. You've planted seeds. That department knows your name, knows your value, and you've made an impression. If anything shifts - a resignation, a change in budget, a reshuffle - your name is likely to come up.

2. You're not powerless. It may not feel like it, but the connections you've made still exist. You've built a small support network. That can lead to something later - even if not right now.

3. This moment won't last forever. Even though it feels hopeless right now - especially in the bathtub tears moment - this isn't where your story ends.”