social skills
I’m too much “conversation as transferring information”, even when I try not to be. I don’t know exactly what to respond when coworkers tell me a lot about their life, like complaining about the dry grass in their garden. I nod, say yes, say aww this sucks, I’m sorry, I smile, but I can tell I’m not reciprocating something they expect. I just don’t know what it is.
I don’t know how to differentiate between oversharing/information not suitable for talks like this, and info that is. I often think “Who would care? Why would I talk about this?” if I think of anything of the same realm in my life to respond with, so I don’t tend to share it. I think it’s boring or useless to talk about, so I don’t, but that makes me come across as a closed-off person. Then when I sometimes do share, it doesn’t hit the same as when others share like this, so there must still be something I do wrong.
There’s also simply not much in my life to talk about that fits the office atmosphere. I am surrounded by older people with houses and grown kids, but I am the grown kid. We have nothing in common. I can’t complain about the grass. I’m not a fan of just talking at people in a monologue like my coworkers successfully do to socialize, and their garden complaints function differently than if I start complaining about a match in a card game.
But my younger coworker manages to deal with it all, somehow. I think it helps her that she used to work a very customer-facing job and in a tight team, and that she isn’t autistic. She always brings up the energy and acts correctly, and that’s why people visit her in the office and not me, and when they do come over while we share the same office, it’s usually for her. She made work friends here faster in one year than I did in four.
I’m in the office today when I usually am not on this day, but she usually would be. And I even opened the office door to be less alone and to welcome people in, and I think someone who just said hello said so out of reflex thinking it’s my coworker that’s in there, not me. I could be wrong. The hello just seemed too familiar to be for me, and they looked to her spot first.
It’s crazy how much I overthink social situations and social cues while still not arriving at a neurotypical level, many of whom just do this stuff subconsciously.
I think I am the backup option for when the other people are not in the office.