reasons
People sometimes tell me I am good at talking myself out of things. What they mean is, they accuse me of something or think a behavior is weird, then I explain why I did the things I did, and then they understand my motivation and they think what I did was technically valid, given the extra info they didn’t previously have. Like “Oh okay, makes sense.”
The reason they can’t just go “Oh, then that isn’t weird or bad at all, fine!” and move on, is that somehow they feel like I am unfairly getting away with things. If despite my additional info and justifications, my behavior was still off, they could argue against that and it would be fine. But they have no arguments against that. So apparently they still feel a way about what I did, but feel like there is no way to get me to retcon it or apologize.
Another reason why they probably feel that way is that I always have what feels like a million reasons to do the things I do, and I can tell them to you instantly. I think to some people, it can come across as if I was planning it all to the detail and preparing an excuse that I am now presenting, but it’s not like that. I’m just anxious, an overthinker, and my brain feels like it is constantly consciously playing through all kinds of scenarios in preparation, and it’s hyperanalyzing my behavior, choices, plans, words. I have to justify anything to myself and have a reason for everything I do, think, and feel and have it ready at hand.
Not only that, but I grew up in a household where I was interrogated for everything and questioned and accused of lying about the smallest things. That results in me always being prepared to deliver plausible reasons for everything. It was also important to be able to present information in a way that manages my parent’s volatile mood swings, so I know how to present information in a way that I am harmless and just trying my best. I guess some people could see that as manipulation, however I think we have to do this all the time; difficult conversations with that choleric coworker, your boss, your sad friend, criticizing your partner where you try to say what needs to be said without hurting them or making them hurt you in return.
There’s also this Tumblr post I once saw by another autistic person that went something like “”Oh you have a reply for everything don’t you?” Yes, I have reasons for doing the things I do???”
I tried to find it, couldn’t find it so far. But found related things.
