no mode
Thought I’m not sure I can articulate right:
It takes some age, experience and confidence to not back down from opposition when you think disagreeing is necessary, at least after previously always being deferential, conflict avoidant, giving in, and a little bit of people pleasing.
It makes sense; not taking the bullies and similar ones into account here, we were children for so long, many of us always listening and doing what we were told and not being able to change much about our experiences or discuss boundaries - home and school both heavily regimented and standardized by other people, adults.
Then, often not knowing it better, being unable to correct people much or even argue against something due to missing knowledge and experience. After school, staying humble - being shown at university how stupid you are, feeling like an impostor, same at the first job. Your older coworker and boss will know better. You just moved here, better not disagree with the difficult neighbor, you’re new to living by yourself.
But there comes a time when you have learned a lot - in general, at the degree, the job - and have a few accomplishments under your belt, maybe even rose up, are responsible for things now. You built some authority in the job, your field, your hobby. The praise and progress helps the self-confidence too. You may have some credibility now.
That’s often the time when you’ll grow comfortable pushing back against some opinions and falsehoods, even if gentle. No, that’s not correct, no, I don’t want to do this, no, this is a really bad way to do things, no, please don’t do this.
And honestly, for me, that’s exhilarating, now that I think about it. Feels like I have a lifetime of “just give in so it’s over” “don’t hurt their feelings” “they have more power and knowledge so I’ll just stay silent” “I don’t want their friends to be mad at me” “I don’t know enough to challenge this” behind me.
It’s just important that it doesn’t become too overt, a standard response; after all, I want to remain open, I want to be able to change my mind, be disproven, able to stay amicable and accept changes and things I disagree with. I want to choose my battles. I don’t wanna be difficult. I don’t wanna come across as stubborn or as if I’m always causing problems, or that everything has to go my way.
I think some people may get stuck on this, addicted to it.