lost my spark
I feel like I lost my spark in writing and that everything sounds weird and not good enough and not like myself and not natural and not groundbreaking. I edit my writing over and over in the course of days instead if writing it down once, correcting typos, then sending it off because I am happy. I have less good ideas. I have passion but nowhere for it to go. I wanna write but I have no idea what about. I see others implement the ideas I had better and faster than me. I feel left behind by my past self that was so good at all of it. Come back to me, spark. Did I take it for granted? Is it my period? Is it the recent benzo messing with my head? The effects of these things on my brain cannot be overstated and I really hate it and avoid using them, but that recent one was unfortunately necessary.
It doesn’t help that I’m currently in a phase where I am much more aware of all the things I don’t know yet than the things I know. I’m missing the confidence of knowledge. It’s just a normal learning phase, but it also holds me back.
I need to listen more and read more. I’m better when I can riff off of what others say to get me started.