jealousy?
I’m often clashing with people because I remind them of something they lack, or something they feel guilty about. It sounds crazy and narcissistic, but I don’t even think you have to be special or good at something for this to happen to you - at an educational setting, at work, in the family, friend circle or online. Online is probably the easiest.
They just have to have the impression that you are better, even if it’s not true and you haven’t consciously done anything to make it so. Sometimes people create a competition in their head that you don’t know about or wanna be a part of. They put you on a pedestal and idolize you, not seeing you for who you are but who you could be. Sometimes their feelings of inferiority change how they view you and there’s nothing you can do to help it.
You wanna share your experience just like they shared theirs? Because they consider yours better, now it’s “bragging”. People share their grades and you share a good one? Ew. It’s only cool and okay when you complain that it was too hard or that you barely made it. Don’t make anyone feel bad!
If you genuinely created a good life for yourself, are grateful and content and have not much to complain about, you’re faking it and just trying to emit a highlight reel of your life. If you do complain and suffer, you’re searching for attention and pity.
If you try to be kind and positive most of the time, it’s toxic positivity and you must hide something or suppress something, and it’s annoying. If you are negative or arguing with someone, they “knew all along” that your kindness was just a cover for something sinister.
If you don’t give a fuck about followers, upvotes or views and get them effortlessly, they think you’re ungrateful and full of yourself for that, when they try so hard and don’t achieve the same. How dare you not care about something they deem so valuable? Why don’t you need this external validation?
I sometimes like to point out to people how they could have avoided their current crisis and people don’t like that. Fair enough, my fault. Usually I wouldn’t bother to say stuff that rubs it in (“You had days for this.” etc.), but if your problem affects me too or you make it everyone else’s problem, I will. And even if I don’t say anything and just help, people are lowkey salty that I don’t have this problem and that they have to get help from me, like I am suddenly the enemy for preparing better and as if I’d be relishing in this moment to make them feel incompetent and small. I don’t.
There’s a certain type of people that just wants me to fail. Instead of recognizing that any guilt, shame, envy, jealousy or sadness my presence, accomplishments, values and lifestyle cause could be the motivation they need to make the necessary changes in their own life to feel better, they’d rather see me dragged down below them.
They cheer when I have issues, it satisfies them when someone disagrees with me, when I don’t get something. There’s always some clown out there who finds out a thing or two about me and becomes a contrarian because they think they have to put me in my place. Someone else could say what I say (or even did) and they agree, but when I do it they have to find something to disagree and argue about.
But for what? I am staying focused on myself, just trying to improve. They could do the same. Getting me down doesn’t make their life better. I can just disappear and then what? Their life is the same as before. They’ll just search for a new target.
We can’t be friends or lovers if you’re jealous or intimidated. Just be there for each other and learn from each other, be inspired by each other. I used to date someone who was jealous of my body and it sucked. The resentment was intense and poisoning everything.
Get ready for a LinkedIn-esque rant, but I don’t know how else to say it: I only have space in my life for people that cheer with me, who can handle my compliments to them, and who are confident in themselves. I need people who are comfortable with seeing me win, who are okay with me asking for things and not waiting until someone randomly gives it to me. I need people who understand the kind of way I am passionate and goal-driven. I need people who are okay with being direct and who are okay with taking responsibility. I need emotionally stable people who know how to self-soothe and know when some feelings are unreasonable and don’t need to be focused on. I need more people that know my positive experiences and wins don’t take away from theirs and that I always want to uplift them. There is never competition from my side and any goodwill towards me, I return tenfold.