i broke it
Waking up I noticed how confused my body is now. I still got hungry waking up, but at the same time felt so disgusted by food and like my body tells me I need to hold off a little while and drink a lot of water to give it a break. Now my head is spinning with worries about what I have done to my body, with disordered thoughts, with being unsure if I should continue trying to eat a bit more or if I should return to safety (restricting). It made me aware how sick I currently really am and it made me cry. I’m terrified of having broken my body, terrified of gaining weight or losing my ability to restrict, terrified of the discomfort of eating more. But I need the reset because I noticed the days prior that I’m getting some intense hunger attacks past 11pm and it was clearly due to restricting harshly for weeks, and my period is in a weird in-between state of making my uterus sensitive but nothing else happening and I was already due a week or so ago. I need to fix this.