friend duty
I forget there are actually people out there who need direct feedback, likes, reshares for everything they put out, else they either feel bad about themselves, their craft or bad about the people they share it to.
I’ve watched a friend vent about the fact that in other groups, she can post her art and no one says anything, while they say stuff for others that post. Or sometimes there will be emoji reactions but not much else. Or she posts links to her public posts and no one likes or reshares them, like she’d want them to. She said for her, it’s an unwritten rule to support friends in this way, and she is hurt that it’s not happening for her.
I don’t know why it seems so surreal to me and is something I forget exists when I used to be like that too, partially. I never chased likes or followers, or expected people to share anything on their profile that I made, but I relate to wondering if what I shared in chats was bad, boring, cringe etc. when no one reacted (or reacted much), or wondered if the friendship is actually one-sided and I try all the time while they don’t. It led to me leaving groups in the past, ghosting, blocking, or deleting messages. I made up all these worries in my head about other people’s feelings… but that was years ago, ages.
I somehow can’t imagine feeling this way again. I feel like I’m too healed, too offline and removed from social media unwritten rules and metric chasing, too old to be feeling that way. I feel safe and secure in the spaces I am active in, the groups I send stuff to. I have internalized that, just as I think something is neat or cool or good and I don’t always comment on it or react, others must feel that way too. I never send stuff for the reactions, for engagement; just everyone seeing it at their own time is enough for me, regardless of the outcome.
It made me wonder how many people I have accidentally hurt by being like that - so unaware about how others feel about little digital markers of appreciation, and not realizing it really is that deep for people and not something they age out of, especially if their life is very online. I want to be a good friend. But I also feel slightly concerned about enabling these unwritten digital rules and expectations in others sometimes; like yeah, I want to cheer you on and compliment your work, but I don’t want to feel like I have to via very specific online rituals and like our friendship and your selfworth depend on it, especially when I know that this isn’t a natural thing, but instilled by these platforms.
Reminds me of a person I saw in public who quickly scrolled through her Instagram feed liking everything without looking at it. No pause, no paying attention, just scrolling and doubletapping. She did her friend duty there, I suppose, but I don’t want no part in… that.