feelings changed
I kind of changed my mind on a person. Before, I always thought they were super knowledgable in a lot of stuff. Just sometimes a little… weird. Off. The way they present knowledge was a little condescending. The tone, the way it was worded… it was always like “Oh yeah this? Sure. Everyone knows that.” And some jargon or keywords after. That’s the gist of it anyway.
They were always able to convince me and others this way because it’s easy to fabricate knowledge on the spot and leading it up with that formula and then adding some surface level knowledge or whatever you can cram together spontaneously can make you look pretty smart in the moment. And friends and acquaintances wouldn’t really question that unless you give them reason to.
But recently it happened in a topic I know a lot about and that’s when I first noticed it. It was full of holes but handled the same way they always do it.., and suddenly made me see the past conversations in a different light. It made me notice how much of the tone, word choice, pauses, body language that person used is more like when you don’t know the answer to a question in a job interview but you convincingly wing it. I don’t understand why it’s so obvious only now when the signs were always there.
We spent more time together than ever before now and it also made me notice how they condescending and “duh?” and dogmatic they are in general. Like butting into a conversation, only hearing the last part of a sentence, and choosing to contribute (or rather lecture) in a way that seems like they think everyone is stupid or hasn’t mentioned one obvious point, when it was actually said just before they got there. I also get the impression that they sometimes only listen to half of the sentence while forming their response and waiting to unleash it so they miss out on the caveat, the exception, the example, the other argument a person makes and then says something that was unnecessary or repetitive to say and that they wouldn’t have said if they had listened. I also recently cringed how they tried to lecture someone that obviously had to know more about them in that topic because it was someone with lived experience and authority on the matter. Like, if I was them, I would have just listened to this person’s practical experience with racism instead of trying to come back with something I picked up academically.
They’re also really bad at asking questions. It’s always very broad, unspecific, weird. And such weird and redundant questions too. Asked me where the cake is going to be delivered; a pretty unnecessary question in the context because it was very very obvious knowledge (the party location?). I answered anyway. Then they asked “so it’s getting delivered?” Again, I said yes, visibly confused and slightly annoyed. “So no one has to pick it up?” No? “But what are they gonna do? Just throw it on the sidewalk and leave??” At that point I thought they were shitting me, like how genuinely stupid can you be, and it was so aggressively asked I just said “Yes!” back aggressively as well. I don’t know if I wanna explain to a 25 year old person that the cake shop delivery will ring and hand us the cake; I shouldn’t have to.
They’re also always so…. dependent. They always act so smart and confident but when tasked with something they freeze and can’t do it without asking a million questions how to and what exactly; I know this is anxiety and perfectionism in part and I also tend to do this sometimes especially in the past, but in that case it’s also a bit immature and a weird contrast to the rest of the behavior. Like if someone tells you “Please call xyz and ask for abc” it’s ok to make some decisions yourself and think about how to best do that, and not ask “Um should I go outside to call or do it here?” (In an extremely loud environment). I guess together with everything mentioned earlier, it all points to someone having a big issue with admitting they don’t know something and having to hide insecurity by pretending they already knew or that they’re “just making sure”. It also comes across as fairly anxious when they have to ask a million questions always and not going with the flow. When are you gonna get up? What are the plans for tomorrow exactly? wakes up from nap in the car Where are we?? notices us driving to a parking spot to take a break What are we doing??? It’s like a dog with abandonment issues needing a lot of reassurance.
I guess i didn’t notice before because we spent limited time together and every weird instance was accepted as a slip-up, a faux pas, a temporarily bad mood, or just not fully having thought it though in that moment. An exception. But more time together has made it this very frequent pattern and personality part.
I think it came to a head for me when we had to quickly drop something off at a friend’s place while they were sitting in the back, and my partner didn’t choose a proper parking spot but parked the car on the side of the street with the blinkers on to just jump in and out of the apartment for a minute. Standard stuff. And they were just in the back like: “um, why can’t we park here?” Both me and my partner were ignoring it because we were in a hurry and kinda over their antics. Instead of dropping it, they again went like “Why do we need to put the blinkers on?” again we kinda ignored it. They repeated it again to me when my partner was already running upstairs with the stuff we intended to drop off and I said “oh well, just a precaution or habit” and then they pointed to a sign that said you can only not park here during specific times that we were currently outside of. Fine I guess, they were right, but it was crazy to me to even take an issue, and then not drop it.
It’s so weird to think that before all this I had such a good image of them. I can’t even say it was just a bad phase or time… it just genuinely made me find out how they are when more exposed to them. It’s just how they are. It’s okay I guess.