always one
I hate that in any group I am in there’s always a person I cannot stand.
I don’t ask to like everyone equally, I just don’t wanna get my mood ruined by the presence of someone because that’s annoying and silly. I don’t wanna hate anyone. I can’t remember a group I was ever part of (no matter if group assignments for school, Discord servers, friend groups, hobby groups etc.) that didn’t always feature one person I try my hardest to get along with and just can’t. I know that experience can be valuable - you’re exposed to that person against your will when you meet the others and you still have to keep it calm, friendly and professional despite really not liking them. Good training.
But always? It’s so draining! Why don’t I get to hang with people I like without some asshat present? It gets even harder when you can just discuss things in a group setting but you don’t want the person you dislike to know you like that or get an opportunity to react to what you said.
It gets even more annoying when the person you dislike is inexplicably liked by the others or they’re in a “that’s just who they are hehe” mood regarding them, or they know the person for longer than they know you so there’s more rapport among them. You’re always going to look bad pushing back against bad behavior that the others have become blind to, and people are more inclined to defend someone they have known for longer. That means the other person can just lash out at you and no one bats an eye. And if you take issue with that it often gets turned around on you as if you caused the problem. I guess I could see why it seems that way, because you showed up and soon after there’s “drama”.
But come on. An unrealistic wish, but I wish people would ask themselves if they’d let their friend’s behavior slide if it was someone else, or how they’d feel being treated like that without history and context that it’s “just who they are” and “nothing personal” or whatever excuse there is. Can you not comprehend how that person must come across to others?
I wish there were more people willing to take others to the side and go “Hey that wasn’t kind.” or “You came off as kinda intense.” “Did you really mean that?” “I think you hurt (other person) with this.” Give feedback to your friends. Don’t just let them run around being an ass because it’s not your problem or “they’re their own person” or “that’s just how they are.”. And maybe even step in when someone you know treats someone else unfairly even if you aren’t as close with that someone! So many people think loyalty means always being on the side of your friend, but that’s not true.
I’ve felt for a while that I’m held to a higher standard than others in some regards, and it’s so annoying that I feel like I have to tiptoe around others having meltdowns and crashouts all the time but I can’t even push back, much less show an attitude or be in a bad mood as well. The only person who allows me that freedom is my spouse.
Sometimes, people just happen to exist and they push my buttons and it’s not targeted at me specifically, and that’s managable; I can ignore, stay away, mute, block, focus on something else, remember it’s not about me… but it’s hard to do that for the cases when the person you don’t like seems lowkey obsessed with you and needs to respond to everything you’re saying like a devil’s advocate. Like someone else says it and they’re fine and agreeing, but you say it and suddenly they have a problem. That’s who I’m struggling to deal with the most. Hard to ignore someone who’s always on your ass ready to pick a fight.
It’s even more difficult for others to step in at that point because from the outside, it doesn’t even look like anything bad is happening (unless the tone is rough). It just looks like you’re having a normal exchange/discussion a lot of times, or even that the person always targeting you is just very interested in talking to you, and that’s obviously not bad. I don’t know how to solve that or bring it up - how silly would it sound? “Sorry but I feel weirdly targeted by this person because they’re always challenging me on stuff and it feels hostile.” I don’t know? Sounds weird? That would come off like I have an issue with people disagreeing with me or talking to me but that’s not it.
It’s just difficult! I think depending on how egregious it is and how the group is I sometimes feel gaslit because how can they not see what I see?