a cope
Some people are always like “That’s just a cope” “It’s not genuine” “They just tell themselves that” “They just do that to hide their insecurity” “They’re actually scared” like no shit! When are you going to wake up and realize that’s not an outlier or a personal failure, but that everyone on earth makes shit up as they go because stuff is unpredictable and scary and no one knows the one right way? That everyone is imagining better things to not be scared of the bad outcome? That everyone occasionally tells themselves that it’s going to be okay even if they can’t know? That they imagine themselves as more attractive or outgoing or charismatic than they actually are before going to that event or going on that stage so they even make it there without crumbling from anxiety?
You have to wake up from this belief that there’s this point in life where everything clicks and you’re just a confident person that knows it all. Remember when you found out your parents weren’t all-knowing people that had everything under control, but instead just were flawed people trying their best in an unpredictable environment? This applies to everyone, even the people you admire. In regard to them, you’re just basically a child again that looks at them like parents. They’re not better than the people who do something to cheer themselves up and find ways to do it anyway, they just hide it better, act more convincingly.
The other people rehearse, practice, prepare, research, ask around, take meds, go to therapy, get reassured by their support network, imagine the best outcome, tell themselves some platitudes, and actively avoid certain things and thoughts that lead to insecurity and spiraling. They fake it until they “make it” but they never fully make it because each situation is different and the stakes get higher and new complications emerge or they seek new challenges.
The other people, too, repeat the order in their head, take a deep breath before a knock on the door, practice what they’re going to say in the interview, think about what they’re going to say on the call, and soothe themselves with encouraging media and mottos after a stupid mistake. They too tell themselves the story that makes it all seem less bad so they can continue to live and try again. It’s just normal. <3